When you hear the words no person ever wants to hear. Its cancer You have breast cancer. My mind froze, my body stilled. My mind finally started to wonder, and all I could think at that moment was well Fuck. My mind wondered back to being in the ultrasound, when I was told the mass and lymph nodes are extremely highly suspicious of cancer and I remember  looking over to make eye contact with my sister in law, tears running down her face. I said please dont cry, I GOT THIS!!! I GOT THIS!!! The look of sadness and fear on the faces of my husband, my son, my family and my friends as i share my heartbreaking news is a vision that will never be erased from my mind. The moment my coworkers hear I'm now their patient. How they were able to separate the Jen friend/coworker vs Jen patient. I will always hold that strength dear to my heart. Thoughout this, the new path in my life, I said i got this!!! I keep hope, courage, strength. I keep my mind at ease the best one can. I said though this process, I'm holding a blade of grass that everything is going to be ok.  Though the tears, the anger, the worries I thought i have to stay strong. Nothing can change that fact I have cancer, but my positive attitude will help my outcome!! I GOT THIS!!! I WILL FIGHT THE FIGHT!!! As the days passed I go from scan to scan. Good results, bad results, unsureable results. Meeting with my Doctor setting up the surgery and treatment plan. So mentally draining, figuring out the best plan. My doctors are so informational, honest, kind. Always listening to my thoughts and opinions. On November 20, 2019 I had a double mastectomy and left axillary lymph node dissection. 4 of the 10 removed lymph nodes had cancer. With the pathology completed, The margins from surgery all came back clean. Its stage 3a metastic invasive ductal carcinoma, ER positive, PR positive, her2 negative. They say the "most treatable kind". Wierd to hear but thankful to hear. The plan chemo, 8 treatments. A treatment every 14 days. 4 treatments of AC chemo (combination of Adriamycin and cyclophosphamide) and 4 treatments of taxol. My oncologist said my hair would start to fall out 14-21 days after i started chemo. I made the choice that chemo will not take my hair. It had to be done on my terms.  After my first treatment I had cut my hair short, after my second treatment it was thinning so my husband shaved my head for me. With every chemo treatment I didn't know how I would make it though the next, i was weak, exhausted, nauseous, bone pain, constipated, neuropathy, chemo brain, lost my taste. I stayed positive and strangely they got easier. On my off weeks from chemo I would get out of the house, lived life, go on an adventures, walk the beaches, collect beach glass, go out to eat. Hang out with my family and friends, hug, laugh, cry, smile. I had two more chemo treatments when covid hit. Now, a whole new kind of worry, new precautions, no more seeing my friends and family. My husband and family could not be at my side durning chemo. I made it though chemo. My pet scan was good no signs of active cancer. Now time for Radiation 5 days a week, 25 treatment. I got this!!!! I can do it!!!  I completed 25 radiation treatments, with no burns or symptoms. I did it I completed my treatments. I will never know were I found the strength. I really dont need to know because I did it. The month after radiation waiting for my pet scan was high anxiety. Doing my best not to think about, but it hard to keep your mind free when covid has taking the ability to go anywhere. Finding the strength to stay sane. The day final came result day July 1st 2020, the best news coming from my oncologist. There are no active cancer cells.  Relieve came thought my body, my mind. Now it's time to get my new life started. Figuring out the new me. I absolutely could not have got thought this with out the best support system a  person can ask for made up of my loving supportive husband the love of my life. He was there every step of the way. Never missed one appointment. My loving son with his heart of gold, my everything. My family, my friends, and my coworkers. Thank you all for being here walking this journey with me. Praying for me, going on trips, milking my drains, cleaning my house, cooking meals, laughing with me, crying with me, hugging me, calling/texting me, mailing cards. No act has going unnoticed.  It all means so much to me to know that you aIl are here. Here in my darkest times to guide me though it. Also, the outstanding team at Sturdy, and I dont say that because I work there, say it because it's the truth. Every single person was professional, personable, curious, gave me words of encouragement. With all this said I'm a 1 year survivor. I still have a long road ahead of me. Getting to know the new me, my new body, my new normal. I GOT THIS, ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL.